DIVORCE/SEPARATION AND REMARRIAGE: REFLECTIONS

Introduction

We are beginning to witness an increase in the rate of divorce, separation and remarriage in our society. People are unhappy with this trend. Complaints and worries abound. Are we going to fold our arms and watch the institution of marriage collapsing and becoming shreds? Marriage was instituted by God; when He united our first parents, Adam and Eve. It is high time we took deliberate steps to arrest this ugly trend. We must be intentional in tackling this issue. We cannot afford to ignore it.

Nature of Divorce/Separation and Remarriage. What do we mean by the terms “divorce” and “separation”? What type of remarriage are we referring to?

Separation refers to a situation where spouses who are expected to have a common domicile or quasi-domicile, but for legitimate reasons have their own domicile or quasi-domicile. Although the spouses are living separately, the marriage bond still persists. They could come together again or the situation could degenerate into a complete breakdown of the union.

Divorce, on the other hand, refers to a situation where the union between the husband and wife has broken down (in some cases, irretrievably). There is no longer a common domicile or quasi-domicile, as both now live separately. There is usually a legal component: the judgment or decree of a court, dissolving marriage relation or suspending its effects.

Within the context of this discussion, remarriage focuses on people who are divorced and remarried. The Church does not recognise such unions because she is faithful to the teachings of our Lord Jesus Christ.(Mark 10:11-12). One is permitted to remarry only on the death of one’s spouse.

Causes of Separation/Divorce and Remarriage

The prime cause is either an unresolved conflict or an accumulation of several unresolved conflicts. The issues in such conflicts could be internal or external to the couple. Some examples are given below.

<>Couples Character: personality and behaviour.

<>Poor/Ineffective Communication: between husband and wife, within the family, etc.

<>Influence of extended family members, friends, neighbours, etc.(Third Parties).

<>Sexual Issues: incompatibility in sexual desires and infidelity.

<>Financial and socioeconomic matters.

<>Cultural, Religious and Social Differences.

<> The list is open-ended.

Consequences of Separation/Divorce.

It is a hydra headed situation, expanding beyond our imagination. Its effects come down on the areas listed below.

<>The individual: a sense of being a failure which is accomplished by a low self esteem.

<>Family: Sadness and disappointment in the immediate and extended families.

<>Children of the Union: They are highly traumatised and are usually the worst hit.

<>The Church condemns it.[CCC 347 to 349]

<>There is usually a societal stigma towards divorcees.

<>Divorcees are shocked to find out that divorce is not the solution to the underlying problem(s).

<>Several instances of regrets come up for divorcees.

Conclusion

This write up is an attempt to make us give some more thoughts to the social menace of separation/divorce and remarriage. We are looking forward to getting reactions from those of us reading this piece. Kindly send us your thoughts and together we shall begin to tackle the issue.